the first one was Robin Hood
yeah, still playing catch-up on a few things. sorry about that.
Robin of Loxley (Taron Egerton) a war-hardened crusader and his Moorish commander (Jamie Foxx) mount an audacious revolt against the corrupt English crown.
when you think of Robin Hood, what time period comes to mind? is it the mythological, olden era that you would usually find in a folktale? or is it a steam punk setting that is styled as if it's the 1800s? if you can't decide between either, you're in luck, because this movie is just as confused.
don't get me wrong, the set design is well done for the most part, but i would have enjoyed it a lot more if i actually knew what type of period this was aiming for. the characters seem to be wearing modern-ish clothing, and they have some very weird technology. one part early on shows Robin during his days in the war, and his crew is fighting off some guy that's launching giant arrows from a little hut using a catapult device. stuff like that will throw you off throughout the entire movie.
a big focus of the story is the relationship between Robin and Marian. the chemistry between Taron Egerton and Eve Hewson was surprisingly well acted. once Robin returns from the war, he learns that everyone in town thought he was dead. if that isn't worse enough, when he finally finds Marian after being away from her for so long, he sees her with a new lover. you see his face drop into complete despair, and it's one of the only scenes that actually delivers its intended emotion.
it trembles into the more traditional tale of Robin Hood that you've heard countless other times and seen in better movies. here, they've turned it into one of those Guy Ritchie epics, where it seems competently made, but there's still a lot needed in order for it to be a good movie. the action is choreographed to a good extent, but all around it feels like the type of stuff that you've seen before. there's also some very flat and generic humor spout by the characters, and it's always the most obvious joke, too. when Robin and John first decide to team up together, they exchange names. John says his original name, Yahya, which Robin has a difficult time pronouncing. that's the kind of comedy that has an age limit.
in terms of the antagonist, Ben Mendelsohn was enjoyably over the top. i don't know what it is about this guy, but his delivery was hilarious. i think it might be that weird lisp that he has. it's almost like he wanted to play this part like how it was done in the Disney Robin Hood, with a lot of shouting and pouting and whining. he was easily the most entertaining aspect of the entire movie.
as for the rest, it's just lame. i can give it a little bit of credit for trying to make an updated action adventure movie out of this tale, but the writing needed a few more touch ups to really get us invested. and again, i have no idea what style they were even attempting to achieve. it was a mish-mash of modern stuff and old stuff thrown together, and it didn't work at all.
yeah, this movie is a mess. it's not the kind of enjoyably stupid and mindless kind of mess, though. it's something that you watch and think "why did i do that?" afterwards. there are plenty of Robin Hood movies to choose from, so make sure your choice is better than this.
next up was The Possession of Hannah Grace
this was another one of those cases where i did not see any trailers or advertisements beforehand, so i was going in completely blind. more often than not, that can lead to something bad.
a shocking exorcism spirals out of control, claiming the life of a young woman. months later, morgue worker Megan Reed takes delivery of a disfigured cadaver during the graveyard shift. locked inside the basement corridors, Megan's horrifying visions soon lead her to believe that the body is possessed by a demonic force.
out of all the horror movies that i've seen in my life, this might just be the least horror movie-ish. it has the setup for one, but it stops there. the opening scene has the typical power-of-christ-compells-you schtick where the possessed chick overpowers the people that are trying to get the demons out of her. the obvious question a viewer might have is 'how did this young girl get possessed?' well, i'm going to jump ahead and reveal a so-called plot twist: Hannah previously dealt with severe anxiety and depression, which is what caused her to become demonic and evil. hear that, kids? anxiety and depression can actually possess you and turn you into a sp00ky ghost.
that "twist" is the only thing we know about her as a person. the only other piece of information that we're given is that she kills other people to resurrect herself. okay, if that's the case, what's the time limit? or how many people has she killed to keep herself alive at this point? i don't know. none of that is ever explained.
moving on, it cuts to three months later, and we're introduced to the main character. a bit of backstory shows that she used to work as a cop, and let her partner die right next to her because a criminal shot him. because of that, she started abusing pills and alcohol, which led her to A.A. they represented substance abusers in a way that i can only assume is unrealistic. it goes as far to have a scene where the main chick pours some pills into her hand and then immediately puts them back into the bottle.
anyway, she begins a new job at the morgue, and this is a type of morgue that would only exist in a horror movie. she is the one and only person
that is working the night shift at this place. that could only lead to a variety of things: jump scares, fake out hallucinations, lights flickering on and off, creepy noises, electricity breaking down, ect.
while it uses elements that are typically used in horror movies, it does absolutely nothing with them. there's little to no musical score throughout the entire thing. normally, that would be a strength, but here, it just enhanced the blandness. a large majority of time is spent watching the main character do her job at the morgue. literally, i'm not even joking, that's it. she'll take some scans or whatever of the dead bodies, zip them up in the bag, put them in those steel oven things, and then she'll move on to the next activity. sometimes she might talk to her ex-boyfriend, or chat with the security guards, but it's mostly a lot of nothing.
i get what it's trying to do. the movie wants to use its creepy, quiet atmosphere to sustain a certain amount of tension. okay, fine, you make a good horror movie by doing that. but you also need interesting characters, interesting ideas and gimmicks. you know, stuff that will actually engage the audience
it isn't until the last 20 minutes that they actually decide to use the movie's title character. she does the most cliche and overdone possessed character traits, like cracking bones, or making weird and creepy faces while crawling really fast. the big climax has the main chick brawling it out with Hannah and trying to shove her into the cremator. it's done with noticably cheap and awful CGI, which was pretty much the rock solid proof that this doesn't deserve to be a theatrical release.
other possession movies, even the bad ones, were smart enough to pull exposition out of their ass and actually have some kind of backstory for the events going on. this movie is too lazy to even put in that minimal amount of effort.
there's no point to this movie. it was a waste of my goddamn time. just stay home and watch any other posession movie.
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